Drug
by NekoVampireNinja
Summary: Alice is Jasper's drug... I guess. What an idiot... Didn't his parents ever tell him not to do drugs? Weirdo. Although I suppose Alice is safer than drugs. ... Just. An AliceJazz story told in the perspective of Emmett. Thats right! EMMETT! T for languag
1. Chapter 1

**Yes… I know… OMG. A fanfic told in the perspective of EMMETT!!! Who would have thought that EMMETT would be perceptive enough to notice this.**

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**His drug.**

I know I may not be the most perceptive of all people, nor the most intelligent. The strongest… hell yes! But I'm not sure how strength helps my perceptiveness.

Anywho, after living around the tiny pixie and her freaky boyfriend, one even as perceptive as me notices a… interesting – borrowing a smart word of Edward here – quality to their relationship.

For example, I've seen a few OBSESSED people in my time.

Edward with Bella is one of them.

But Jasper clings to Alice like she's going out of fashion, or disappearing, or something. He's freaking obsessed. But they barely touch. I only think I've seen them kiss, like three times! What are they, Pilgrims? I suppose, if they were more physical in their relationship… I think I'd throw up.

Huh. I wonder if that's how the others feel about Rose and me?

But… Jasper is probably the best fighter I have ever known.

Besides me of course.

Just because he always beats me doesn't mean anything.

I let him win.

Honest.

But, yea, back to the plot… Even though Jasper is probably the best fighter I have ever known, and the most… temperamental or moody one in the family. And the one most likely to…

Slip

He's the one who will completely brush away all the military façade to be a bloomin romantic!

Eugh… Just the thought of him making out with Alice… or even…

I can finally find a common ground with Edward.

But… even though Jasper is the smallest Male Cullen, Edward once told me that some people – humans – feel that Jasper is scarier than me.

Me!

Obviously those humans need to go to the optomi…. Whatever.

Or it could just be Jasper and his influences.

But… if you were to picture the school bully, or the someone with no emotions, like your maths teacher, falling in love, hugging, kissing, follow-you-to-the-end-of-the-earth-and-back crap… you sorta get the whole Jasper/Alice jig.

It's not the norm, I can tell you.

Wacko.

I'd feel really… weird kissing Alice.

Not just for obvious reasons, like being married to someone else.

Over 35 times.

But she's…

Just

So

TINY!

I mean… LOOK at her!...

my arms (superlongandbuff) Her arms (tiny)

my abs [Supermuscles] Her abs [stick]

/ \ my legs. Her legs /\

PIIIIIXIE!

Bloomin heck, she looks more fragile than Bells!

I remember that time we were playing baseball, and I slammed into Alice… We were both running for the ball… and she was running FASTER than me!

Dang, she's almost faster than Edward.

And she still went flying backward. And I landed on her.

I seriously broke her spine.

Snap. That did NOT sound great.

Jasper didn't like it too much either.

Course, Alice was all fixed in a couple of minutes, but boy, did it get really annoying having to run away from Jasper. He's pretty dang fast too. There was no one to hold him back

Because I was the one who usually did it.

Jeez.

Protective bastard.

But Alice had seen what was coming. I dunno why he cared so much. _She_ was laughing.

But, I swear, when Alice was with Bella who was with Edward who was trying to kill himself and was in the Volturi's secret dungeon lair, Jasper was all hype, like he was craving a drug or sommat.

That's it… She's his drug!

Alice is Jasper's drug.

They're like that quote from that retarded book Edward made me read. 'Harry pot-head' or something. Sounds like a druggie. 'Neither can live while the other survives.' Sure that was really important to the plot, but it seemed to me that the reader just pulled some crap-assed prophecy out of their ass at the last minute.

I mean… what was with killing the elf?! The ELF!?

What did it do to her?

Should I start on the owl?

So yea… Alice is Jasper's drug. You kill the drug, the druggie dies.

Take that druggie boy.

Though I suppose technically, if you kill the supplier, the drug should still be fine…

Did I just say TECHNICALLY!?

Gah, starting to think like Edward!

But I'm sure Alice would NOT be fine if Jasper was gone.

We might end up with another Harry Potter seven on our hands.

…

Eugh.

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LOL. Sorry for using this chapter as a display for my feelings on the Harry Potter series.

…

But the HOUSE ELF!!???

Sniff… he was the best character!

So ends my random fic of randomness! Lol… I've written 'randomness' so many times, that my spell check now recognizes it as a word!


	2. Chapter 2

I wasn't going to write another chapter. I PROMISED myself that this would be the one shot that STAYS a one shot, but Mabulatious gave me an idea.

So here it is…

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Hmm… Another ridiculously boring day of school. Of all the schools I had forced to endure, this one was probably the worst. There wasn't even a library, for heaven's sake. What was there for me in the Atlanta Junior high other than boredom? I had already exceeded every teacher's in the school's knowledge, put together.

Ah… Rosalie. How vain. She was measuring her beauty against the 'prettiest' girl in the grade. As voted by the boys. Perhaps I should not have imparted that information. She was ridiculously vain even before she learned she had contesters.

I almost laughed. Contesters. Like anyone could measure her striking beauty.

Or her pig-headedness.

Jasper… he, as usual, was staring very resolutely out the window. Not thinking about the very appetizing young woman not to far from here.

Alice. Ah, Alice. Of all my family, I was closest to one of the most recent editions, her. She was just so adorable, tiny features and all.

But could still be hugely annoying when she wanted to get her way.

Emmett…

I choked.

Emmett was _thinking._

Not about sport, or bets, or Rosalie (Thank god. Intruding in his mind at THOSE times were nearly unbearable.) But actually _musing._

Dear lord, save us now.

"Edward?" Alice was looking at me strangely. I wondered why. I started to reply...

…

…

Did Emmett. Just say. _Technically?_

…

Alice sighed. "Edward, get off the floor, people are staring."

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0.0 Yea, pretty crap. But for those who missed it, Edward all but went into an epileptic fit.


End file.
